I’m not sure why this bothers me but it does.. maybe it goes back to me not liking to share..
She’s getting a new car, which just happens to be the same car as him…
He always said for us, to have matching cars, it would be our thing, as he made me realise my love for cars..
But then now that’s what they share, matching cars..
Even though it’s such a small thing, to have the same car as someone else, I feel that, that is just something else that they will share that we will not…
They’ve already shared everything else, I feel like I’m always having to compete and that no matter what it’s never good enough because I wasn’t there first, it has all been done before and nothing is new..
I’m not sure where to go from here though.. that was something I had left to cling to, and I thought now that I was his, that they wouldn’t share anything new together.. but it looks like I cannot stop it no matter how hard I try..
I want so badly to be the only one he will forever share new things with, but I can’t have that, and it’s really upsetting me…
That’s just another thing that they have over us..
Noone wants to be second best, noone wants to hear how good it was the first time around..
You want to open their mind to new and amazing things, to be the one they remember when thinking of that experience, noone remembers the second time around, noone remembers who came second…
And I feel that’s all I am now.. second best.. even though he’s with me, it doesn’t feel that way..