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Feelings

05 Dec

I’m not sure why this bothers me but it does.. maybe it goes back to me not liking to share..

She’s getting a new car, which just happens to be the same car as him…

He always said for us, to have matching cars, it would be our thing, as he made me realise my love for cars..

But then now that’s what they share, matching cars..

Even though it’s such a small thing, to have the same car as someone else, I feel that, that is just something else that they will share that we will not…

They’ve already shared everything else, I feel like I’m always having to compete and that no matter what it’s never good enough because I wasn’t there first, it has all been done before and nothing is new..

I’m not sure where to go from here though.. that was something I had left to cling to, and I thought now that I was his, that they wouldn’t share anything new together.. but it looks like I cannot stop it no matter how hard I try..

I want so badly to be the only one he will forever share new things with, but I can’t have that, and it’s really upsetting me…

That’s just another thing that they have over us..

Noone wants to be second best, noone wants to hear how good it was the first time around..

You want to open their mind to new and amazing things, to be the one they remember when thinking of that experience, noone remembers the second time around, noone remembers who came second…

And I feel that’s all I am now.. second best.. even though he’s with me, it doesn’t feel that way..

*sigh*

Ciao Bella

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1 Comment

Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Journal

 

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One response to “Feelings

  1. B0nd3

    December 5, 2011 at 5:52 am

    I think maybe I should mention my updated thoughts..
    I was thinking and after speaking to my best friend who gave me a bit of a boost by caller her a mole for even pulling shit like this..
    I thought to myself, I should think of his car as OUR car.. because it really is, we both use it, we share our money and everything in the house is ours and not his so I think the car is OURS and I think that if she want’s to get the same car as us then she can go for it, she must be jealous of me.. and how nice our car is..
    Lol. Don’t you love female rationalisation? – I’m not sure if that’s a word, but I’m using it!

     

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