But why?

06 Dec

What can I say about today so far?
I think the Angels that are crying can feel my pain..
It’s pouring with rain and my heart feels like its breaking…
Why would he do this to me?
I love him so much, I wish he would understand jus how much he has…
It’s not the end of the world, when life gives you lemons you make lemonade, you don’t bite into them and squeeze the juice into your eyes..
I hate when he is unhappy but there’s nothing more I can do, I can’t make him change and he obviously doesnt listen nor want my help.
It’s jus a temporary bump in the road, and I know he’s been through a lot these past years but things are bound to pick up.. He knew what he was getting when he met me so what else can I say..?
All my time and money goes into his life, his needs and wants…
Then it’s my fault when things go wrong because I cannot provide what’s needed for myself…
I give up, I’m to the point where I just can’t feel bad anymore, I can’t blame myself anymore and I don’t want to..
I’m not a bad person, I’m a good person and I’m doing my best..
If he’s too busy or if I’m not good enough then don’t be with me…
Just don’t punish me and stay with me, it hurts to much because my heart doesn’t understand why your doing this..
I don’t want to go back and forth anymore, you push and pull and push and pull and one day I’m going to snap..
If you truely love me then don’t do this anymore, make a choice, is its not me then I will understand fully and I’ll leave..
If it is me then stop all this, shit happens you need to build a bridge and get over it, learn to say no and stop putting yourself into these situations.. I’ve done my best to help you but I can’t be there all the time to watch you, you need to watch yourself and if it really bothered you then you wouldn’t do it anymore, you wouldn’t even risk it..
Slow down, take someone advice and slow down.. I know that you think that you don’t have any time left but your only hurting yourself.. Your trying to go so fast that your world is passing you by and everything you love is getting left behind…
Don’t do this anymore…
Understand that I’m not blaming you and I understand how much you do and what a good person you really are but you need to stop, and pace yourself.. Things will pick up you just have to have faith, I know how hard it is after so long but your have to know sometimes you have to hit bottom before being able to go up…
We’re at bottom and we’re going to move forward, we’re going to get there..
I have faith, in us and in you…
This is a bump in the road, next year things will be better.. It’s jus a month away and on the way there we will have good days and bad days but we will get there and it’ll be a new year..

I love you and you need to understand this.. Things happen.. Don’t make it worse by turning everything upside down..

Don’t worry, be happy.

Ciao Bella.

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Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Journal


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