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What Is This?

27 Feb

Why?

Do I feel like this..

Why can’t you just let me be..

I’m having a sad day, It’s not everyday but it is today..

I have sad moments thorughout my days but who doesn’t?

I’m not throwing this on you, because this is not about you.. I have passing thoughts that go through my head, it doesn’t mean that they are significant, this was a mistake trying to discuss these thoughts with you, obviously you can’t understand.. and I don’t blame you because I barely understand them myself..

But you have to stop worrying, you have to stop trying to fix something that’s not broken, and even if it was, it’s not yours to fix..

I hate fighting with you over something that doesn’t matter, stop worrying whether I’m happy with you because I am.. If I wasn’t then I can promise you I wouldn’t bother, If I didn’t want you I wouldn’t chase you, I wouldn’t miss you and I wouldn’t care..

You make me happy, I’m writing it down so that you know, you don’t need to question yourself anymore, If ever I am upset it’s rarely because of you, a lot goes through my mind in a day..

How I told you I felt, was an insecurity on my behalf, about whether or not you could love me for me, not for the way I look or our common interests but for my bad qualities too.. I love you even though you can be an arsehole, even though you always think you know whats best, even though you can never apologise to me, even when you know you’ve hurt me..

I was never trying to argue, I didn’t even want to tell you how I felt because it meant nothing, and tomorrow it won’t even be there..

I can’t put on a brave face and pretend to be happy just for the sake of it..

That’s not me, when I wake up and it’s raining and there is sad music playing, when I’m alone and I miss you..

When I think does he even miss me? When I think I put myself out there as future wife and you don’t say a word..

I feel like I’m the only proud one to be in this relationship, are you ashamed of me?

If you weren’t then why not say something? I love when you call me your future wife.. But I love even more when you introduce me to someone as your Fiance’

You know why? Because a girl likes to think her man is proud to be with her, likes to think that he feels lucky to have her, we like to think that we’re that girl that you want to show off, that you want to have around your arm..

Do you feel like that?

Because today.. I just don’t see it..

And I’ve tried to reassure myself..

But sometimes it’s nice to hear it..

I love you, for everything that you are, for everything I know you can be, for those Good Morning texts, those smiles, those “dad” jokes, for the times you just tell me your thinking about me, for the days you just call to see how I am, for the time when I’m crying and I know you feel for me, for the moments when your not too proud to apologise..

I love you, and even though sometimes you make me sad..

It’s worth it for the times you makes me happy..

 

*sigh*

Goodbye

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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Journal

 

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