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Get Out Of My Head!

13 Apr

i..
Want to write this down so that it gets out of my head..
i have this fear..
What if your with somebody that already has children, and you “one day” want to have children with them..
I feel that when the day comes that it won’t be special for him..
Because he’s done it all before..
I have a fear that I won’t know anything and he’ll be like oh that’s not how you do it and don’t worry that’s supposed to happen..
I feel like I’m going to be judged on everything I do because he knows what to do better than I..
I feel like he’ll feel that it’s just another baby to him..
It won’t be special because it’s not his first..
I will never get that “first” reaction…
That excitement and uncertainty..
I don’t want to be second best..
Or the.. I don’t even know how to put it into words..
I just want it to be as amazing for him as it will for me..
It really honestly puts me off having children..
*sigh*
I don’t really know how to handle this fear..
Or how to get over it..

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Posted by on April 13, 2012 in Journal

 

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