Tag Archives: life

I don’t really know.. (Beware, offensive language)

So I’m in this stage in my life which I’m gathering everyone goes through..
Either that or I’m having some sort of psychotic breakdown..
I’m feeling like I dislike my life..
I’m in a meaningless job that I didn’t study for..
Which takes me an hour to get to..
I’m in a small apartment where there isn’t even enough room for my things let alone anyone elses..
I don’t have a car so I can’t get anywhere..
My partner which I do have, couldn’t care less about me..
All I do is make his life worse..
I don’t think I have any friends, and the ones I do have I either don’t have time to see or can’t afford to go out..
My best friend is in Melbourne and I can’t find time to talk to her, plus I have nothing to talk about because my life is so boring..
I’m still not talking to anyone from my family since they confirmed they wanted nothing to do with me..
It seems like the only person that cares if I’m around is my boss, and that’s only because she can’t be fucked trying to find someone to fill my shifts.
I just think, what’s the point in trying anymore?
Why bother getting out of bed, going to work, getting dressed… doing my hair even.
When absolutely nobody gives a flying fuck.
I think from now on my philosophy is going to be, “I don’t give a fuck”
I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to talk to me..
I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to buy these sunglasses..
I don’t give a fuck if I look like a mess..
I don’t give a fuck if I look fat today..
I don’t give a fuck if it’s raining and everyone has an umbrella besides me..
I don’t give a fuck if I miss my bus..
i don’t give a flying fuck if nobody wants me around..
I’m here until I die, so fuck off and find someone else that has a fuck to give!

Excuse my language.

I’m going to go sulk in bed now and possibly fall asleep.
I might post a photo later.



Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Journal


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In life we all want perfection.
The perfect job.
The perfect relationship.
The perfect house.
But what exactly is reasonable and what is out of our reach?
We strive for perfection but if we ever get there we will actually be happy or will we strive for something new?
Nothing in my life is perfect, my hair has a mind of it’s own, my relationship is more of a day by day motion, my job (which I start tomorrow) although promising, isn’t even in the right line to a perfect job.
My house, it has it’s moments.
I don’t think there is one thing in my life which is even remotely close to being perfect, but somehow I am content.
I can’t exactly explain why but I am.
And I’m happy with that..
I hope that you have something that your content with in your life.
Because we all need some stability.


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Posted by on April 26, 2012 in Journal


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Thinking to Myself

What makes a good relationship?
People say that a good relationship consists of trust and honesty, loyalty and passion.
But not everyone is the same..
What if you enjoy having sex with multiple people?
What if you enjoy something sexually that your partner doesn’t?
What about marriage?
What if you don’t want to get married?
What if you don’t mind getting married but you don’t want to change your name?
I think that in every relationship there are 2 people that have their opinion on what a relationship should be..
Those that are “good” relationships are the ones where both parties have the same views in what makes a relationship..
The tricky thing about this is that it’s hard to know what you want.. Exactly..
You may change your feelings with different partners..
You may not want kids with one person, but a few years later your with someone different you may decide you want to start a family..
The only thing wrong with my theory is that it means you must wait..
And let the chips fall where they may..
But if your a woman and you go from man to man that makes you a “whore” and most people don’t want to date a “whore” at the end of the day..
If your a man and you sleep with multiple women.. That makes you a “player” and no woman wants to be with a “player”..
It’s a hard life.. I guess you jus have to hope that it doesn’t take that long to find the right person..

Keep in mind this is just MY opinion
It’s not based on facts or any research what so ever..
Feel free to disagree, it’s a free country!


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Posted by on March 28, 2012 in Journal


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It’s been agesss..

It’s been ages since I’ve blogged, or what feels like forever..
My internet went down and then I moved and I’ve been settling in with T00N..
Feels weird living with him, at his place..
I feel like I have to keep everything the way he has it, I’m very messy, he’s very clean..
Everything here has it’s own place, where do I fit in?
I’ve been looking for work and studying..
Fun times right?
The weather has been on and off raining since I got here, maybe the storms are following me around Australia..
So far T00N and I are alright, few tifs about nonsense but nothing serious..
Before I left I went to see my cousin, who is like my brother, or was..
I stuck my nose in it by saying simply that he shouldn’t rush into having children, the conversation just went downhill from there..
He’s become openly arrogant, which I find absolutely horrid in a person..
He literally said to me that he is the most intelligent person he knows..
It’s so off putting, to be honest..
From now on I’m keeping my mouth shut, he can do what he wants..
He wants to get married to a cheat at the age of 20 and have a baby..
So be it, it’s his life..
I’m glad I have the internet again and I’m making time to write..
Missed it..

Ciao Bella

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Posted by on March 7, 2012 in Journal


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Where is home?

If my life is for rent..

and I don’t learn to buy..

well I deserve nothing more than I get..

because nothing I have is truly mine..

I always been pretty easy to please, I like the simple things in life.. You don’t need to spoil me, I live on love..

But what happens when all you want in your life is taken away from you?

Do we break down?

Do we move on?

Or do we simply move slowly sideways..

I think we get stuck, stuck in a place in time which we don’t want to be in but can’t find the way out of..

We get stuck in a place which isn’t our home, and we cannot go home.. so we sit and stare in lifes limbo of love..

I feel homeless, although I have possessions and friends, family.. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere anymore..

Everyone has a certain spot and I haven’t found mine, I’m like the kid that doesn’t make it to a chair in time during musical chairs.. and I fall on the floor and I watch everyone else in their place, happy and at home..

Alright God, you win.. I’m raising my white flag..

Please help me, I don’t even feel like me anymore, I feel numb to life.. Like it doesn’t matter what I do or where I go because in the end it all comes down to nothing, if you don’t have children and you don’t get married.. why do we work so hard? So that we can die in a very nice apartment with a great view and look back apon the life that wasn’t lived but worked away.. There’s no stopping time, and eventually it will catch up with you, you can’t out race it, you won’t win.


So why not take it easy? If it’s just going to be you.. why not do yourself a favor and relax, look for that job that you love and you enjoy going to everyday, ignore the people that bring you down and make you question yourself because there’s not enough time to worry about those things..

Wear the clothes you want to and eat the foods you love, be happy.. because there’s no excuse not to be..


Think about it..


Ciao Bella

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Posted by on December 27, 2011 in Journal


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